Boarding School Survivors
The topic is not discussed enough. Being sent to boarding school can have a lifelong impact. How does this sound to you? Caring parents spend a lot of money to send their child(ren) away from home for a "better education." This education continues until the child attends university. A child, as young as 3 years old, is literally sent to an institution that their family members likely attended for generations and is considered to be "The Making of Them." Upon arrival, and after a few weeks, something quite extraordinary yet unsurprising happens in their young mind—they learn to disconnect from their feelings and emotions in order to cope with the unfamiliar and strange environment they find themselves in. In Joy Schaverien’s article “Lost for Words,” she describes Boarding School Syndrome as not a medical category but a cluster of learned behaviors and discontents that result from growing up in a boarding school.
"The Making of Them" is a documentary that provides insight through the perspectives of individuals who have lived through the impacts of boarding school, both during their time there and now as adults. It reveals through the children's expressions and communication that there is something unsettling about the experience they are subjected to, without any fault of their own.
In "How Boarding Schools Shaped Britain" Nicky Campbell unravels the complex history of boarding schools, from their humble origins as day schools for the poor to their transformation into elite institutions that have defined power and influence.
But does early separation from family and loved ones come at a cost? And what impact has Britain's most enduring educational tradition had on the rest of British society?
Boarding school syndrome is a term that refers to a set of psychological and emotional difficulties that some individuals may experience as a result of attending boarding school, particularly at a young age. While it's not a formally recognized diagnosis, it highlights the potential impact of early separation from family and the unique challenges of boarding school life.
Here are some common symptoms associated with boarding school syndrome:
Emotional and Psychological:
Difficulties with intimacy and relationships:
This can include fear of abandonment, trouble forming close bonds, or a pattern of withdrawing from relationships.
Emotional detachment or suppression: Individuals may struggle to identify, express, or process their emotions, potentially leading to a sense of emotional numbness or distance.
Anxiety and depression: These can manifest as persistent feelings of sadness, worry, or unease.
Low self-esteem: Individuals may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or lack of self-worth.
Difficulties with trust: They may find it hard to trust others, potentially stemming from experiences of separation or perceived lack of emotional support during their time at boarding school.
Perfectionism or control issues: Some individuals may develop a need for control or strive for perfection as a coping mechanism.
Substance abuse or addictive behaviors: These can be used as a way to self-medicate or numb emotional pain.
Behavioural:
Difficulties with social interactions: This can involve challenges with social skills, understanding social cues, or feeling comfortable in social settings.
Avoidance behaviors: Individuals may avoid situations or relationships that trigger difficult emotions or memories.
Difficulties with self-care: This can include neglecting physical or emotional needs, or struggling with healthy habits.
Important Considerations:
Not everyone experiences these symptoms: Many individuals thrive in boarding school environments and have positive experiences. Symptoms can vary: The specific symptoms and their severity can differ from person to person. Professional help is available: If you or someone you know is struggling with these symptoms, seeking support from a therapist or counselor experienced in working with individuals who have attended boarding school can be beneficial.
If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these issues, it might be worth seeking
a professional to talk it through. Get in touch with me to arrange a free 15-minute conversation.
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