Over the years of my work as a therapist I have noticed the significant change that the internet and social media has had on the psyche of the people I work with. One area that has been highlighted more specifically has been the availability to view porn at a young age. Unfortunately, this has been and is still very easy to access which means the most curious in our society will access it. Our children are supposed to have sex education at school in a safe and prepared environment. The problem is most children are fascinated by the things that are considered out of their reach and especially when they are themselves going through puberty or they are surrounded by others who are. The majority of children are exposed to porn and depending on how they decide to progress their interest or disgust (as both are experienced) it can and is most likely to begin ruining the natural healthy development and education of sex, relationships and body image that they would otherwise have. When these children become adults and they seek therapy usually for anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, sex or porn addiction and the cycle of the dopamine hit then the shame, guilt, body shame, critical and repetitive thinking, unrealistic sexualised expectations and behaviours, relationship and intimacy issues are more ingrained.
Porn creates a fake, exaggerated and often fantasy based portrayal of what sex is, what the man must do or look like and what the woman wants and enjoys. The majority of these fantasies are not based on reality or a natural discovery of the human touch, sensation or desire but on fetishism and a fake often extreme narrative. Porn is like any other drug, it can become addictive, the more you use it the more you crave. The softer drug you start with the stronger hit you need and will therefore progress to something more hardcore in order to continue to feel stimulated and receive the dopamine hit. What most people are unaware of is that porn actually desensitises and so it is inevitable that the viewer will need to progress to more extreme, hardocre material to recieve full stimulation. This is why porn can literally hijack the developing self-esteem and confidence of a young mind and suspend the chance for them to experience a naturally developed sexuality and body confidence leaving instead insecurity, fear, confusion, obsessive thoughts of not being enough an unrealistic view of and desensitised experience of touch, desire and sex.
Most young people and many children nowadays have or will be exposed to porn. If children are watching it, then unbeknownst to them, they are receiving their sex and relationship education from it. By the time they become adults, they may have a sense that something is not quite right; they may feel repulsion and shame as well as a short dopamine high from watching it, but they also cannot stop this cycle; it becomes normal and addictive. This is usually when I receive an enquiry. Relief and change are possible, but it does take time and consistency to unlearn and unravel the inner workings of the psyche where the learning took place.
Ideally, we want our young people to grow up with a healthy attitude and experience of their minds, bodies, body image and relationships. For this to happen, we need a more sophisticated, engaging and thought-through sex education for them. As this is still mostly not on the school curriculum, there is a need for other options to be available.
Although the Sex Education series on Netflix has an 18 rating, it may be a less risky format for young people to view and educate themselves. You or a suitable adult may wish to select scenes that are more age-appropriate to show to younger-aged teens. It is also a good education for parents and adults generally as it highlights the importance of openness and conversation as well as education around all issues to do with sex and relationships with our bodies and others.
If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these issues, it might be worth seeking
a professional to talk it through. Get in touch with me to arrange a free 15-minute conversation.
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